We know for a fact that in whatever endeavor or institution one is attempting to succeed, there is always a “why” and a “how” as regards the accomplishment of your purpose. Such is certainly the case when the subject of a lasting and happy proper marriage is concerned between one man and one woman.
God tells us in no uncertain terms why we are to love and care for our spouse and for how long we are to do it and for what reasons.
As is always the case, whenever the “why” is right, the “how” is easy. In the Holy Bible we are told the “why” of our eternal, never-ending love for our spouse. It s written in the Book of 2 Corinthians , Chapter 7, verse 1 NIV.
(1) “Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.”
The divorce rate among married people in the United States is at an all-time high. There seems to be as many divorces within the churched populations as there are outside of it. The holy and sacred institution of matrimony is collapsing before our very eyes! Well over half the people getting married today do not stay married. All too many are participating in immoral cohabitation , i.e. living together as if they were married when in fact they are not. It is simply wrong. It is ungodly. It is disobedient….and it will only grow worse unless and until we as a society restore and reestablish the intent of marriage, or repent from our wicked ways.
The collateral damage caused by immoral behavior is the worst of the bad fruit produced by divorce or by masquerading as a married couple (one man and one woman) when in fact they are not. The children produced through such an improper union are always the ones who suffer the most from the dissolution of a marriage. They have no legitimate physical root to their existence. They always experience the debilitating emotion of feeling abandoned.
Think about it for moment. An alcoholic father most usually raises his son who grows up and becomes an alcoholic. Monkey see…monkey do. A drug addict usually raises his children who grow up and become irresponsible, unproductive drug-heads. Sadly the children of divorced parents most usually grow up, get married, have children and then get divorced. PEOPLE DO WHAT PEOPLE SEE.
So what are we to do about this escalating problem in our culture and in our society ? Permit me to suggest the correct solution so as to permanently solve the increasing problem before it is too late to do any thing about it.
I believe I can best provide the solution though using a story I recently read about repairing a broken automobile. It seems there was a rather stressed out married businessman who was having a very difficult period of time in his life. There were lots of surprise challenges happening to him. There was great pressure on him at the office, his children were acting up and being extremely rebellious and they were doing rather poorly in their school work. All this pressure was overflowing into his marriage relationship. Life was just tumbling in on him. Times were tough. Things just had to change. One day he decided to go out and play a round of golf (his favorite recreation) to help relieve some of his stress.
After the round of play with an all too high score, he dejectedly grabbed his equipment and headed back to his automobile. He retrieved his car keys from his golf bag, pointed the key “bob” at the car door, depressed the unlock button and “wallah”….nothing happened. Just as frustratingly the trunk opener produced no results. Technology had failed him. He was totally, in a digital sense, locked out of his car. The frustration/stress factor in his life skyrocketed,…it was not good.
After some sweat, a rising temper level, and lots of bad word bravado being uttered or mumbled, the man finally opened the doors and was inside his all too hot car. Inserting the key into the ignition and engaging the electrical system, he once again was amazed to discover none of the dashboard gauges were working. More frustrating yet, his car engine would turnover and start but after ten to fifteen seconds would sputter and die. His relaxing, stress-relieving day was turning into an aggravating nightmare. All the while his stress level continued rising.
A tow truck was called and his vehicle was taken to a distant automobile dealership and deposited into a repair and maintenance bay. A top mechanic was hailed and after two hours of diagnostic testing and examination, the mechanic went to the customer lounge, found the frazzled man and delivered the not-so-good news of the results of his tests.
“You have a bad CCM. It is shot and needs to be replaced before anything is going to work right!” reported the mechanic.
“What in the world is a CCM?” inquired the golfer.
“It is the car’s Command Control Module. It is the electrical unit that is like the car’s brain. It controls all of the internal workings of the automobile and its electrical system. Once it goes bad, all the electrical system of the car begins to malfunction,” said the mechanic.
What started out to be a refreshing, recharging, fun, day had become a mess, a frustration, and now a costly financial experience. The new CCM was a $2500 job! Could life get any worse?
Now the real dilemma was presented. Decisions, Decisions, Decisions,……The frustrated man could have insisted on fixing all of the individual malfunctioning parts, i.e. the doors, the windows, the trunk, the gauges and any other separate items that were not working–but that would only be like fixing the symptoms,… temporarily solving the reoccurring problem—and not fully correcting the overall problem.
How often do we do the very same thing within our marriage ! When corrections, changes, upgrades, and improvements in different areas of our life are plainly needed, we usually don’t go to the root cause of the problem, but rather we focus and spend our corrective time, energy and resources on attempting to fix the symptoms of a hurting or failing marriage:
a. “We need to show more appreciation for each other.”
b. “We need to improve our communication.”
c. “We need to have a more unified plan with the children.”
d. “We need to have a more structured lifestyle and family unit.”
e. “We need to work harder at keeping the romance alive in our
f. “We need to keep in better physical condition and stay more
desirable for each other.”
I will tell you that you can spend a lifetime focusing on the symptoms of a going-bad marriage and very little, if any, real progress will ever be made,…or… you can replace the CCM. The Command Control Module, and fix the problems rather quickly. You choose. It is your call….I am indeed speaking to you, right now!
Now you may ask the question, what is the Command Control Module for a marriage?….Very good question. I say it is your personal “Spiritual Motivation.” The absolute first requirement of ever figuring that out is to establish a personal living relationship with a personal living God. It is first knowing the Word of God and then obediently following His Instructions surrounding your individual roles in His Holy Institution of Marriage.
You can boil it all down to this simple fact….Are you a God-centered spouse…or…a spouse-centered spouse?
A spouse-centered spouse acts nicely towards her husband only when he acts nicely towards her. She keeps herself highly physically desirable and looks her very best, and is totally accommodating only as long as her husband pays her total attention and gives her complete and continuing admiration.
A spouse-centered husband will go out of his way for his wife, as long as she remains agreeable and affectionate. He will romance her, as long as he feels rewarded for doing so. It is kind of a “you be good to me and I’ll be good to you” relationship…That is not a good thing. Trouble and rough road always lies ahead for a married couple living under these conditions.
Within the Holy Scriptures, the Apostle Paul tells us that we are to “perfect” holiness….“out of reverence for God.”
Now never forget that God is always worthy to be revered, that we are always called to holiness; and we are always called to love and serve one another.
A God-centered spouse believes that we are motivated by his or her commitment to God rather than by whatever response or action a spouse may give or take. In other words, as a spouse , your motivation to love, care for, provide and protect your spouse is not only the right thing to do, but also is your faithful and obedient responsibility in accordance with the marriage covenant you made to your spouse and to God in front of witnesses on your wedding day. You either meant it or you didn’t.
I have seen it so often,……Spouse-centered Christians try to make excuses to stop loving their spouses because of their spouse’s sins. Trust me, if this activity were, in fact, a valid excuse, every Christian spouse alive today could avoid the call to love and serve each other,….since we all are indeed married to a sinner!
Now the truth is that I am not called to love my wife because she is holier than other wives…..oh, no… now if, in fact, she is holier than other married women, you should just rejoice and be deeply thankful to God for her abundance of godliness.
I am not called to love my wife because she makes me happy. Now if in fact she does make you extraordinarily happy and glad, you should just rejoice and be very grateful for the many good and wonderful times you have shared with her.
I am not called to love my wife because she makes me all warm and gooey inside. If in fact she can warm you up and melt your insides with overflowing affection, you should just rejoice and be greatly thankful that she can still do that to you. A real secret to a lasting and happy marriage is that the couple always keep the romance of their marriage alive and well!
The TRUTH is that I am called to LOVE her “Out Of Reverence For God.”….Any other motivation to love your own wife is less than Christian!
If I am a Believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, I am commanded by the Word of God to rid myself of and totally avoid anything that may contaminate my body or spirit. If I am doing that or attempting to do that in obedience to God’s instruction, then I can give no place in my life to jealousy, bitterness, resentment, or selfishness.
As a Believer I am always called to practice gentleness, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control.
Someone else’s sin–yes even the sin of my spouse against me–never has, never does, or never will give me the license to respond with sin.
I am called to just one and only one motivation and that is……..
“Reverence For God.”
It is the same as if to understand whatever my spouse says or does or doesn’t do is practically irrelevant. Every decision I make, every word I utter, every thought I think, every movement I perform, is to flow out of me through only one motivation:
“Reverence For God.”
Please allow me to close this discussion by asking you one simple point blank question….directed straight at your spiritual heart……
Are you a God-centered spouse?
In order to become one and grow as one together with your entire family, you need to:
(1) Accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord, Master, and Savior.
(2) Read and feed on the Word of God on a daily basis.
(3) Join and regularly attend a local Bible believing/teaching Christian Church…………….and
(4) Include all of your family in attendance of Sunday services.
These are all very “doable” things.
God can only be the CCM of your marriage if you invite Him to be.
Love is Eternal…It never Dies.
Have a Great Forever………..
Sample of Marriage section of DaveSevern.com