TEN YEARS TODAY!
Today it will have been two years to the day that My Bride, Jany, passed from this earth and went home to be with her Lord Jesus in heaven. After more than 42 years of marriage, needless to say, life has not been the same nor will it ever be. The terrible loss of a spouse has been experienced by so many people before me, but none of them could possibly miss their mate more than or hurt worse than,… I do. The emptiness has been at times staggering. It seems that you have no idea what it is like to live alone once you have been married,…no perceived concept of how much you loved, how much you miss, and how much you stay emptied out so much of the time after you restart living by yourself once again. I wish it on no one, but it is one of those things that happen in our lives over which we have no control or ability to alter or change.
The road to recovery from such a loss is indeterminate. I keep thinking that things and life will get better, easier, and more livable, but the pain although less than it initially was, still so strongly remains. The loneliness at time seems unbearable, and the void, the silence, the missing joy and laughter are what hurts the most. But, the reality of it all is that my bride is gone temporarily from me. That simply is the way that things are for me. It is what it is…It is reality in my life.
I am asked by almost everyone with whom I come into contact who knew Jan while she was alive on this earth, how everything is going for me. My response is always the same . Very well, thank you for asking. There are a great many adjustments that must be made, and that I am making, but all things considered, life continues to go well for me. I am just taking things one day at a time. As a Christian Believer, there can be no other honest choice or actual response.
It is late at night. I am sitting here at my computer typing this discussion and can’t help but hear the dead silence within my home. There are times in life where the loudest noise you will ever hear is….silence. There are times in my life where it is so silent that I can actually hear my own heart beating within my chest. The biggest benefit, at least to me, is that this deafening silence in my home,…this complete quietness… gives me my best environment in which to think,…to work,…to ponder,…to pray,…and to meditate. And so I am thinking right now about taking things,…taking conditions and circumstances,…taking life as it comes with every sunrise,…one day at a time….and making the best of it that can possibly be made without worrying about things that cannot be changed,… things that cannot be lived over,… and things that have not happened or maybe will never happen and just waiting them out rather than worrying about them,…rather than trying to figure out how I could change or even attempt to control them. It seems humorous to me right now to think that for most of my life I was so arrogant that I actually thought that I could control almost anything and everything in my life. How foolish of me to think such nonsense. As a Christian, and as a once-again-single person I have relearned that I personally am in control of absolutely nothing in my life except for what I put into my mouth or into my mind…I have had to come to realize that the “Man in-charge” position is already filled with no hope for any changes or vacancies. Father God is well ensconced in that office and has absolutely no future plans to change anything that is already in place!
One of the single most important personal characteristics of a successful person is that they always Accept Reality and Live in the Here and Now. Successful people accept life and other people just as they are. In reality you have no other choice. In order to become successful you cannot afford to waste time or resources. So the sooner you start accepting people and things as they are and stop wasting time and money trying to change people who do not want to change, or trying to change inevitable circumstances, the faster you will be able to channel those wasted funds and hours back into creating new circumstances with new people into the things in your life that favor what you really want to do. When you accept people as they are and help only to the extent they are first willing to help themselves you are going to discover that you are really not a busy as you have thought yourself to be. Do not ever get so busy going nowhere, that you don’t have any time left to go where it is that you really want to go!
Anyone who has ever spent their lives trying to shape everyone and everything except themselves can attest to the deep feeling of relief that always follows relinquishing universal responsibility and accepting things as they are. When you release the need to make everything and everyone happen just the way you want them to happen,…you then become free to find contentment with whatever is. The time and energy that was once squandered on things that you could not change anyway, no matter how much effort you expended, is now freed up to be used in more positive and constructive ways.
Now I realize these words might really hit some of you very hard and that you are not in agreement with me or anywhere close to agreement. In fact you might be radically or angrily in opposition with me. That is O.K. I am just speaking the truth here. The truth does not need your personal approval to exist. If you disagree with what I am telling you, then you have just identified yourself as a “Control Freak.” Not a good thing to be if you are leading or attempting to lead a group of people,…especially a group of volunteers. If you are such a Control Freak, I have three short words of personal counsel for you….Give It Up!
A story please…….Sue Ellen Cooper once told a true story of a control freak type woman who finally one day realized her extremely undesirable condition and decided to make some radical changes…much to the delight of her family. Permit me to share the story with you. As it unfolds, think about how any of it might apply to YOU!
Mrs. Marsha H.’ admitted that she always felt it was her responsibility to ensure that her husband and daughter always made all of the right choices. If they were not happy at any point, she assumed total responsibility. In her elected choice to get some professional help, it so happened that during one of her therapy sessions, she was given an assignment to try to learn how to play. The counselor told her to buy an assortment of bubble soap and bubble-blowing tools, take them to a park, and experiment. Marsha recruited both her husband and daughter to go with her and proceeded to teach them how to make bubbles in various ways. For several minutes, both her husband and daughter ran around the park trailing streams of bubbles behind them while Marsha sat on a bench and shouted directions. All of the sudden they both froze in their tracks and stared at Marsha. Here she was, directing (controlling) them to play, instead of learning how to do it for herself! Do any of you readers see or remotely recognize yourself in this picture?…End of Story.
A very large part of accepting reality is doing the best we can within the boundary of the day in which we are currently living. This is the real meaning of the old cliche‘… “Take one day at a time.”
Now listen carefully….Among the things we can never change is our past. May I suggest to you that it is all right for you to remember the good times you have had in the past, and the people you have loved, but do not spend much time mulling over the things you might have done differently. It is fine to learn from your past mistakes, just don’t dwell on them. Permit me to give you a quick geography lesson…no charge for this….consider that the past is another country. You cannot revisit it, nor can you change it. So no longer waste valuable time and mental energy rehashing old mistakes and envisioning better choices that you could have made. Your future is another dimension that you cannot inhabit as of yet, regardless of how hard you try to do so.
Finally stop spending mental energy, time, and money worrying about things that don’t happen,…or things that did happen but that you failed to anticipate. Examine your past one last time to see just how much wasted resources you foolishly spent doing these very things. For the remainder of your life, focus the expenditure of time and energy into the things in life that you do really do want to have happen and help them happen as much as you are able to help and expedite the event.
Permit me to lastly urge you to stop trying to peer around each and every corner in your life’s activities in an attempt to help things to happen in your own predetermined manner and way. Just start going around corners in a spontaneous manner and see whatever is there or whatever happens when you get there. Life is a lot more fun and exciting living it in the now. There is no clutter or snags on which things tend to get hung up when you just take life as it comes….One Day at a Time.
Music is one of the greatest gifts God has ever given to man. It is an anchor on which he can cling to in the stormy times that occur in a person’s life. Gospel hymns are of particular comfort as they have passed the test of time,…as they have been a great source of strength and comfort in times of great trial and tribulation. God speaks clearly to us with great compassion in song,…in word,… and in deed. Open your heart to His hymns whenever they come into your life. Drink long and peacefully as His Living Water flows into you through the lyrics of a great hymn. The old Gospel Hymn, “One Day At a Time” says it best. It is a good hymn to memorize and sing often to yourself and to your Lord:
“I’m only human, I’m just a woman.
Help me believe in what I could be
And all that I am.
Show me the stairway, I have to climb
Lord for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time.
Chorus:
One day at a time sweet Jesus
That’s all I’m asking from You.
Just give me the strength
To do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday’s gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today, show me the way
One day at a time.
Do You remember, when You walked among men?
Well Jesus You know if you’re looking below
It’s worse now, than then.
Cheating and stealing, violence and crime
So for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time.
Chorus:
One day at a time sweet Jesus
That’s all I’m asking from You.
Just give me the strength
To do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday’s gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today, show me the way
One day at a time.
This is the day that The Lord has made,…Let us be glad and rejoice in it!
God’s Greatest Blessings To All Of You……..