How many times have you heard people, particularly people who know one another and who claim to be good friends with each other, say to each other….“I love you.”? I will venture to say that you, much like myself, have heard that precious three word phrase uttered many, many times.
But have you heard this three-word phrase said between two different people and then observe those very same people speak harshly to one another, show complete and total disregard for each other, or worse of all fail to even listen to one another when a conversation is attempted between them?
I think most folks misuse the phrase “I love you” all too often. I think that most folks don’t really understand the true meaning of those words. They frequently banter them about almost like a cute saying or a thoughtless response when they are speaking to other people. These extremely powerful words are discarded like pieces of rubbish whenever they are thoughtlessly used in incorrect context or improper situations.
God’s Word, The Holy Bible, uses the word love throughout its entirety. Whenever it is used it is always in a context of serious meaning and conveys an emphatic point. Nowhere in the Holy Scripture is the word love used in a “slang” sense or as a “quip” response by and between other people.
Colleen Townsend Evans once said, “Silence need not be awkward or embarrassing, for to be with one you love, without the need for words, is a beautiful and satisfying form of communication.”
May I ask you,…Have you ever been with another person whom you greatly cared about or loved and ever enjoyed just “being together” within the presence of each other in total silence? What a beautiful thing it is. It is as if God has placed two (or more) human beings physically together with His invisible Self in their midst. It is almost as if their individual thoughts penetrate each other’s minds. No words are necessary. A wonderful feeling of love and care arises within each of the hearts involved. A feeling of warm emotional safety and security is experienced by and between the parties. It truly is a “God Moment.”
Parents, please allow me as a fellow parent to share with you some information that not only drives home my point about listening, but also gives you some good insight into “loving” those people who are closest to you, whether they are family, friends, or business associates. Think back…hopefully not too far… to the times when your children were small and would come running to you. They would all be chattering at once, in an attempt to get your undivided attention, wanting to talk about the exciting events they had experienced that day. Do you recall how wonderful it was for you to have them discuss and share with you their own feelings about the events? Joyful, enthusiastic sharing of information and emotions between individuals, particularly family members, is a blessed encounter. It can and will be either positive and/or negative, depending on the circumstances. The positive situations are fun and exciting. However whenever the bad times are experienced your reaction needs to be changed. When your family members or close personal friends are hurting, physically or emotionally, most often they just need to be held, softly and appropriately touched. They need to have their heads stroked. They need to be comforted in your arms and caressed sometimes even to the point where they fall asleep. Tenderness and understanding is to be your gift to them.
Now remember, that which holds true for your children is equally true with your spouse! Most women’s love language is far different than that of men. Most women just need to be held, caressed, and reassured of your love for them. Security is a major concern to the hurting wife.
Often times, silence on your part, coupled with light and loving “touches” and whispers of certainty and security will accomplish more than all the words you could conjure up and eloquently deliver. If you really do love someone, you will always listen to what they are trying to communicate to you.
I would also like to inform you that the ways and means discussed above is also the way it should be handled by and between you and your Heavenly Father, God. Whenever you are praying, thinking, or just being still,…listen. God answers prayer, but we don’t always listen. Never end a prayer and immediately get up and go do something else totally unrelated to your prayer. At the conclusion of your prayer(s), be still…wait quietly and patiently, listen for a response from your Father. When you start practicing what I am telling you, you may well be surprised as to the wonderful additional blessings you begin to receive from your quiet prayer time.
Let’s go back now to your family experiences and actions .
Don’t force your child to talk to you. Give him the respect and “space” to remain silent. Sometimes children need to work out their own ideas and opinions in quiet before voicing them.
If you become insistent or demanding that your child tell you all about his feelings, concerns and unhappiness before he is ready mentally and physically to do so, you will never get to the point of being able to console or reconcile the issues that are bothering him.
While it is true that you, parent, are the authority, together with God, in your adolescent child’s life, it will accomplish absolutely nothing if you become a “drill sergeant” or worse a “dictator” to your child.
When your child does finally speak, be certain that you take time to listen intently, carefully, and kindly. When you do this, your child will know that he can talk to you whenever he wants or needs to, and you can rest assured that his silence is not rooted in suspicion or fear of you.
We would all do well to read and then heed the sound advice that our God gives to us in the Bible inThe Book of James, Chapter 1, verses 19-20, NKJV:
Qualities Needed In Trials
(19) “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;
(20) for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
Please remember as God explicitly tells us…..in The Book of 1 Corinthians, Chapter 13, verses 4- 7, NKJV:
(4) “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
(5) does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks not evil;
(6) does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
(7) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things,”
In short,….LOVE NEVER FAILS.
Friends,….listen to me, hear my words,…understand what I am telling you.
If you truly do love another person, then you will be a good and Godly example for them to observe and duplicate.
Remember, the language of silence is a language.
Peace and love to all of you…….Poppa Bear