It is God’s Purpose and Design for things to improve, mature, get better, become more fruitful and meaningful, and become a bigger and better blessing to all parties concerned as they age and mature.  Such can be said with great emphasis about a “Good Marriage.”  

We are told in Scripture that we are not to be another person’s judge…BUT…we have every right to become a fruit inspector.  God tells us that we will know a tree by the fruit that it produces.  He says that a good tree will always produce good fruit and that a bad tree will always produce bad fruit.  God goes on to further state that the two will NEVER cross breed; that is to say that a good tree will NEVER bear bad fruit and that a bad tree will NEVER bear good fruit.  In other words, God makes no mistakes.  What is good stays good and gets better with the passage of time.  And what is bad doesn’t change and start to become better,…..no what is bad stays bad or gets worse with passing time.

Those are pretty simple common sense type thoughts are they not?  So everyone has the right and the authority to become fruit inspectors.  And well you should be because it is from such an inspection that you can quickly determine where and with whom you choose to associate and communicate as the years play out in your own future.  Those choices will ultimately make the difference as to where and how you wind up in the end.

For the most part, I have witnessed that people who complain that they have a rough or rugged marriage always feel and always believe that it is someone else’s fault for their particular predicament.  Someone else or something else evidently came up out of the darkness one night, sprinkled some “trouble making dust” onto their mate and BOOM! Problems just began cropping up all around.  It may sound good and reasonable to a fool, but for those of us with a little more understanding than that, we know that the truth is, that really is not the cause….Permit me to share with you some absolute truth regarding you and your marriage, no matter who you are, what you do, what your special problem is, or which half your marriage is at fault.

My words come from over forty-two years of personal experience developed from a very happy, romantic, successful, and extremely productive and godly marriage to the same woman.  I am not a licensed marriage counselor, but I am a very experienced fruit inspector who has learned the Word of God and continues to study It daily.

Since God originally created both Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, may I suggest we first go to His written Word and see what he has to say about love, roles, meaning, purpose, desires, and responsibilities by and between the husband and wife that He Created.  The holy institution of marriage by and between one man and one woman was created and placed into position by God Almighty.  

God created man, Adam, first in the image and likeness of the Trinity of the Godhead.  He commanded certain authority to Adam as his personal manly responsibility.  God saw that everything that He had done was very good except that Adam was incomplete and consequently very lonely.  So God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep and while he was therein, God removed one of Adams rib bones and sculptured a woman, Eve, so as to create for the man a true completer…a wife to complete and fulfill the needs of her man.  That is indeed the true role for a woman.  Man was created for the glory of God.  Woman was created out of man for the glory of man.  These are the ground rules for a man and a woman to find each other, court one another, romance each other, fall in love , marry and fulfill God’s command to take dominion over the earth and all that is in it and to be fruitful and multiply.  They are to do it all for the glory and good pleasure of their heavenly Father, who indeed created them.

God is perfect.  He never makes any mistakes.  His character is perfect and good and He would never violate it for anyone or anything.  No exceptions!

I will have to admit because of poor or rushed circumstances, choices, or your own loss of control of your personal emotions, you could have married the “wrong person”…but I seriously doubt it.  

Here is one thing I certainly do know to be the truth.  If you would simply treat and care for this supposedly “wrong person” and love, provide for, and protect them as you said you would do in your marriage vows,…you could well end up having married the right person after all!

Now there there is a corollary to this specific scenario that clearly says that if you marry the “right person” and then treat that person in all of the wrong manners and ways, then you certainly will have ended up marrying the “wrong person.”

Here is what I want you to glean from this discussion…it is far more important to BE the right kind of person than it is to MARRY the right kind of person.  My point is really quite simple….whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you!  Your actions, manners and ways, activities, and provision will do all of the necessary talking for you.

Choices should be carefully drawn after critically thinking about the different potential effects of them.  Sound and stable good marriages are not an accident.  Sound marriages are not simply built on the passion of the moment….on hormonal flare-up…on the ecstasy entanglements and what ensues them.  A state of ecstasy and exhilaration built on emotion and feeling is not an everyday happening.  It is rather unsustainable.  Unrealistic expectations will always create and cause major problems in almost all marriages.  Positive and realistic expectations are the things that lead to strong, growing, and lasting marriages. 

There are four extremely important things that each one of the marriage partners needs to learn, know, bury in their hearts and minds, and then employ and demonstrate on a persistent and consistent basis everyday for their entire marriage.  They are as important to the marriage as consistent breathing is to life.  These are the four major things that have produced the best and most sound marriages throughout history between a man and a woman.  True Happiness and Real Love Require:

1.   A daily effort from husband and wife, including a willingness to forgive and go the extra mile to please your mate.

2.   The acceptance of the fact that in all facets of the successful marriage, the point is not who is right but rather what is right.

3.   The willingness to act maturely and to be able to “eat crow” whenever you are personally wrong.  To have the maturity to be wise enough and humble enough to ask your mate to forgive you; and whenever you personally are the offended party, you must not “force feed” your mate this “crow.”  

      As a side note, I will share with you a bit of wisdom I learned from an old Texas rancher.  He said:  “If there ever comes a time in your life when you have to eat some “crow,” be sure to get about it quickly while it is still hot.  It doesn’t ever make it taste any better,…but it sure is easier to swallow.”  I have found this to be very good advice.      

4.  The willingness to move from your side of the table to your mate’s side, lovingly embracing him or her and healing the wound together through the love you are building and the forgiveness you can extend.

The real and blessed benefit to a long-term solid marriage comes from the security of knowing you have someone who truly does love you, accepts you, understands you, who is a real helpmate, encourager, and supporter; one who is loyal to you and delights in pleasing you because you have, first of all, done and been all of those things to your spouse.

With each day that you invest in developing a successful marriage, you will come to realize that as the ecstasy, exhilaration, and passion of the  honeymoon naturally and in an orderly fashion begin to subside,…you come to experience a far deeper feeling of exhilaration and real permanent love.

And as the continuing years go by, your greatest joy comes when you are able to comfort a hurting mate, to take over additional responsibilities whenever your mate is physically exhausted or not feeling well enough to carry his or her share of the burden at that particular moment.  Your delight increasingly comes from the things you can do for your mate and not what your mate can do for you. 

When you come to realize that dependability, tenderness, affection, nourishing, cherishing, seeking, pleasing, satisfying, and most often times just plain taking your mate into your arms and holding and softly caressing them, and all these type “little things” are what really makes a marriage such a “big success.” It is these precious, intimate, and personal acts that clearly identify true love.   You see, friends, while the “pleasure only” seekers in life mistakingly believe that fun and games and inappropriateness with each other are all that constitute a “real” marriage, they soon unfortunately learn that such a disrespectful union never lasts over the long term.  The good (that grow into the great) marriages are the ones filled with love, respect, and proper godly activities which always honor and glorify your Creator are the real marriages that last forever.  Remember what God tells us in His Word.  “God is Love” and “Love is Eternal, It Never Dies.”

The serendipity benefits and blessings that will come back to you as a happily married couple both personally and corporately will be things like the development of positive qualities within your marriage that will make you a better person, a better spouse, a better parent, a more productive worker, a better role model, a better spiritual leader of your home, and the real anchor of your family.  May all the glory be to God who created you and the institution of marriage!

Have A Great Forever!………….