Choosing who your spouse will be is the second most important personal decision you will ever make in your life.  Such a choice should not be rushed or hurried in any way, shape, or form.  The single most important decision of your life, of course, is accepting Jesus Christ into your heart and mind as your Lord and Savior. 

Wouldn’t you agree that if you are making a choice,…a selection,… of a lifetime mate then you should give that choice some pretty significant and lengthy consideration?  A life-long partnership logically should best start off on a solid committed foundation.  In all too many cases today, it does not.  Choices are made way too quickly without really knowing enough about your selected mate or their personal background, health, likes and dislikes, hobbies and most importantly their maturity levels, physically and emotionally and spiritually.  All too many of these “too-speedy unions” of a man and a woman are made based almost totally on physical attractions. 

In all human relationships, there are three major foundational elements: 1. Physical, 2. Emotional, 3. Spiritual.  For the relationship to grow and prosper and “get better with time,” you will need to have all three elements in place and functioning properly.  Otherwise, great danger looms on your horizon.   

Studies show that at best, a very weak foundation on which to build a lasting marriage will exist less than half the time.  Fewer than half of the marriages today survive.  How tragic is that?  Sadly the ones hurt the most from a divorce are the children who are produced from such a bad union. 

Make absolute certain that your choice of your life-time mate is a good and proper one…not just a lustful physical attraction! 

God’s Word tells us that real and lasting LOVE is patient, kind, and never in a hurry.  True Love is slow to anger, is respectful and caring, it does not envy, is not provoked and IT NEVER DIES.  In other words,…Love is Eternal. 

How many of the newly weds today give those God-given parameters much consideration before reacting to the “flutters” of their physical anatomy and propose to a person they really don’t know that well? 

Now listen well.  The marriage of a man to a woman is the way God wants life to operate and perpetuate itself.  Commitment has to be the solid foundation of a loving marriage.  All these demands are a very real part of any godly marriage ceremony and vow. 

Why So?  The reason is the institution of marriage is the very basis of a family.  And a family is the bedrock of any society.  And only good societies will develop into good and great civilizations.  That is Why! 

All that having been said, please permit me to tell you the short version of my story as to how all of this discussion happened to me and my bride, Jany.  Our vows went like this:  “For richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health,….till death do us part.” 

The day after New Years Day in 1967, I was preparing to return to the second semester of my fourth year of college.  On this day, I had a life-changing moment with my earthly father.  It was the day before my Dad, (who happened to be my very best friend at that time) passed away into eternity.  I was struggling with a very perplexing question.  I was a young, impressionable, growing-up man in my twentieth year of life.  The Viet Nam War was raging and practically all eligible young soon-to-be college graduates were getting drafted into the U. S. Armed Forces and being sent straight to the war zone in Southeast Asia. I asked my very wise father, who happened to be a former World War II  U.S. Navy Chief Petty Officer,…How will I know when I find Miss Right-for-me?  I said Pappy (that is what I called him) “How will I know when I meet the woman who will become my soul-mate, my future wife?” 

He just smiled and casually replied…”Don’t worry about it Buckshot,  

(that is what he called me) you will know it,… when you meet her.” 

I said,   “No Dad, that is not what I mean.  I am talking about how will I identify the woman who I will one day meet and marry?” 

Pappy quickly and curtly replied again, “I said don’t worry about figuring it out, you will know in your heart when you meet her!” 

I again replied in an almost whiney tone.  “Sorry, Dad, I am not understanding what you mean.”  I never was very quick about getting it when it came to girls or women.  I went on to say, “Look Pappy, I date a lot of different girls, and after about two dates, they can’t stand me and I feel the exact same about them….NOW, how am I going to know when I meet the right girl for me?” 

Dad’s eyes locked right onto mine and he said in a Navy Chief’s verbal command tone…. “ Look Buckshot,  I am only going to say it one more time, and this time you listen!  You will know it is her when you meet her!”  Like I said, I was pretty slow when it came to the subject of women. 

I said in a dejected tone, “I just don’t get it Dad.  I need something more so as to understand what you are telling me.” 

He took me by the hand as he lay in his bed extremely ill and very near death, and with a kind soft tone and a forced smile on his face, he said,

“Look son, if there is any doubt in your mind as to whether or not this is the right one for you….then THAT IS NOT HER!!!” 

I immediately shouted back, “OH YEA!  I get that Pappy,…I understand that completely!  Thanks for the clarity.” 

I shook his hand, gave him a hug and a kiss and left my home to return to college. The day after I returned to the University of Idaho, I received a telephone call from mom informing me that dad, had gone home to be with Jesus.  I was crushed…to say the least.  My very best friend was no longer on this earth for me to talk to, to ask questions, to get sage experienced advice and counsel.  My life would be different from that day forward.   

A young man needs a good experienced father, particularly in war time.  Father-Power is a strong and powerful generation-crossing force. 

Let me say to you young men and women, and I will define young as anyone between the ages of say 18 to 80.  You are not to worry about finding the right person as a mate.  God already has identified them.  He has already picked them out for you.  It is not for you to find them.  God will guide and direct their steps and they will find you!  All you have to do is live a righteous life.  Love and serve your God and your fellow man and stay out of God’s way.  Don’t force the issue.  Don’t rush anything.  Be patient.  Allow God the necessary room so as to let Him work things out and bring the right person into your life.  More likely than not, they will come into your life in the most unlikely and out-of-the-blue circumstances and/or conditions.  God truly does have a grand sense of humor. 

Just remember that God makes no mistakes and His timing is always perfect.   

If you have a solid spiritual foundation, a spiritual root to your life, so much the better.  If not, don’t worry, He can work with you too…. I do strongly urge you, however, to begin developing such a spiritual root to your life immediately. 

Well, so it happened, in the spring time of 1968, this drop dead gorgeous college coed came bouncing into my life, quite unexpectedly and quite emphatically from completely out-of-nowhere.  She was a finalist contestant for my fraternity’s Violet Queen contest. 

Now here was this about-to-graduate and be commissioned into the U.S. Army, twenty-three year old 2^nd. Lieutenant who got knocked head over heels, “love-at-first-sight,” off his feet, by this precious little female beauty, a Princess extraordinaire, a person he had never seen or known before.  “Miss Right” had just shown up in my life…out-of-the-blue, and wham!… I knew instantaneously that she was the Right One for me.  Just like Pappy had prophesied just a year and half before. 

The result…..I graduated and was commissioned in January 1969. We were engaged in April of 1969 and were married on July 19, 1969.  A blessed union that was to last for 42 years before the Hand of God intervened on September 11, 2011 and called  “My Bride Forever” home to be with Him.  Like I previously said….God never makes a mistake and His timing is always perfect. 

For those of you who choose to register and become monthly members, i.e. subscribers to DaveSevern.com  I am in the process of preparing a five year series of monthly marriage articles that I know will bless you and your marriage in a myriad of ways.  It is my intention to post a marriage article in the Leadership Section of my website in the first week of every month.  In addition to this beginning article, and the second article next month which will deal with the beginning of personal relationships between a man and a woman and how they grow into a long term lifetime commitment of marriage.  I will call it – In The Beginning.  There will be a total of 58 other separate messages that will be posted over the ensuing five years.  I desire you to work on the information presented in each month’s article for the entire month.  By the end of the first year, a strong and lasting foundation for your marriage will have been well established so as to last an entire lifetime.  The remaining four years of additional messages will be spent developing and growing your marriage into what God always intended it to be.  Let us all enjoy the journey together….Remember all good and glorious things in life take lots of time to properly establish. 

When you know who you really are,….when you know where your are really going and with whom you are going to share your life’s journey, then you can relax, enjoy the peace and joy that comes with your assured confidence, and enjoy each and every step of your life’s journey together.  Such was life for and with Dave and Jan Severn. 

The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord.  

Peace and love to all of you….Poppa Bear