At first glance the unknowing, uninformed, male or female mind might sadly look at the title to this discussion and once realizing that I am a man writing about “Women Things” simply pass it off as useless information or something that might cause you ladies to exclaim…“how dare I would write about women and their efforts and duties”….Well,…wait a minute! This just might be one of the single most important messages you, men and ladies, ever read or contemplated.
Caution!…continuing to read or listen to this entire discussion might just be most beneficial to your personal happiness,…and the betterment of your marriage. Hopefully it may just cause you two people (husband and wife) to sit down and have a quiet and complete discussion as to how you might make some much needed changes as to how each of you conducts their lives. Good and meaningful communication by and between a husband and his wife is the basis,…the foundation,…the platform upon which a lasting love and respect is built and maintained.
Permit me to quickly outline my qualifications for writing this article….
I have been working directly with both men and women, married and single for many many years…a very long time, well over fifty years to be exact…and…during that time I have learned and come to know a great deal about both of them (men and women). I also was married to the same wonderful lady for over 42 years. She was one of the busiest and most involved-in-life women I have ever known. Together, we were always actively involved in both professional and social organizations, business and church efforts, and very many recreational activities with and without our family,…for all of our lives. During the course of our marriage, we served overseas tours of duty with the U.S. Armed Forces, we both were gainfully employed and had long-term commitments to those employers, we went through all of the growth phases that all married couples encounter, we had and raised three wonderful children all of whom are now successfully out on their own. We faced and successfully dealt with all of the attendant trials and troubles that raising children bring to parents in today’s difficult society. And we founded, launched, and successfully operated a global sales and marketing business. The business is still in worldwide operation today.
Five years ago, my bride passed over into eternity to be home with Jesus after losing her five year battle with the dreaded disease called cancer. I chose to become her primary care-giver during the entire time of her illness and suffering. I just knew I could give her better and more high quality personal care and love than could a hired professional care-giver. I sacrificed everything and every activity to be at her side and love on her, care for her, and comfort her the final five and one-half years of her life on earth. Caring for her was a special privilege I was given as her loyal and committed husband. I indeed was given the opportunity to actually live out my marriage vows for an extended period of time. I have no regrets for the choices and actions I made and took during that most precious time we spent together. Some of our most valuable, intimate, and spiritually fulfilling moments together took place during those ending weeks and months. Had I not been there by her side, I would have missed those moments and their cherished memorable value, all of which would prove to be of great help and assistance to me all through this great period of adjustment I am now experiencing in my life. God makes no mistakes! Everything that happens in the life of a believer is what God has allowed to happen for future good!
So with all of that being said, permit me to to share with you some very important and valuable information and lessons I have learned and drawn from as a result of what I have experienced.
I personally think and believe that most men,…most not-so-smart men, husbands, and fathers of children don’t have any real in depth knowledge or even idea about how valuable, busy, and usually exhausted their precious wives are at the close of each and every day of their lives. Men so take-for-granted the duties and responsibilities and tremendous workload of their wives,…as they trek off to their places of work every morning. These inconsiderate husbands usually never give a second thought to their brides and her personal feelings and personal needs.
Here the tired woman gets up early almost every morning, after a late night of an all-too-busy work schedule, so as to get her family clothed, fed, out the door, and off to work and school,…After which the only thanks or other acknowledgement she ever gets is a “BYE MOM” or worse a verbal reprimand only because in her haste to get the man out of the house and off to work on time, she may have broken the yolk of an ordered over-easy fried egg or burned the bacon that her husband prefers not to be so crisp. The man, irritated because an egg yolk was broken,…rushes right by his bride reaching for the car keys without a word of thanks or gratitude for a hot breakfast meal. The thought of giving her a big hug, kiss, or even a “thank you touch or pat” or glance never crosses his miniature mind. Their bride, the one they chose above all of the other applicants, stands there in her bacon grease spattered house robe, with an infant in her arms sucking on a too quickly microwave oven-warmed bottle, another toddler racing around the kitchen floor making a big mess, and the 5 year-old twins fighting and breaking things out in the living room…She wonders, “does anyone appreciate or even care about all that I do?”
Do any of you readers grasp my message so far? Am I striking a chord of truth that exists in your own home?
Now please listen. We all have to wear many different hats-of-responsibilities. We all have our separate and corporate assignments and areas in which to operate and perform. However, that is not a license to abuse or criticize or even berate our spouses and partners. Life is busy. We all are busy. BUT…please do not allow yourself to get so busy at doing the immediate or the expected,…that you fail to accomplish the critically important things within your life, as a person, a spouse, a friend, a lover, or a confidant. Don’t always be so busy with the minuscule details and all of the time and energy they always demand,…that you forget or overlook the big picture of loving and serving your family and your God.
Someone else can clean a house, mow the lawn, be a taxi service, or wash the clothes. BUT ONLY YOU can be a mate, a wife, a mother, a husband, a father, a holder (embracer)-of-your-spouse…a comforter…and an example to your children as to what it really means to be married and to love and care for your mate. Remember, all human beings learn best from observation. That is precisely how a child learns to be a parent and a spouse…by observing mom and dad.
The type and kind of family in which you were raised and how you were treated, will almost always be identically the same type and kind of family you will have and raise as a parent. You do not know that which you do not know. Therefore, you will live and perform exactly how you learned how to live and perform by observing how your parents lived and conducted themselves.
The greatest motivational statement ever made for human beings is that people do what people see. It is for this reason alone, that you always want to be the very best spouse and parent that you are capable of being! Your children are always watching you!
Good social manners, proper use of the English language, loving and caring efforts to help and assist your family members, a joyful positive mental attitude, a calm and powerful countenance, and a huge ear-to-ear smile does more for raising a family than does all of the iron-handed discipline you can muster up. Love conquers all! A hug and some corrective instruction does far more good to a relationship than does a too-quick hard spanking, a barked command, or a scream at your children and their actions.
Men, never pass up an opportunity to lend a hand to your wives. Always help her with her chores. Learn how to run the washing machine. Clean up after a meal. Wash the dishes. Cook an evening meal. Take the trash out to the garbage cans when it needs to be taken out…without your spouse having to remind you. Send a dozen roses to your wife for absolutely no reason except to say…“I love you!” Oh and never forget…you line up a baby sitter, you make the arrangements and reservations,…and then call your wife about 4 o’clock Friday afternoon and tell her to get ready…as soon as you get home and get cleaned up,…just the two of you are going out to supper and a “chick flick” of her choice.
Everybody wants to be loved and appreciated. Make absolute certain YOU are the one who first initiates these signs of love and affection activities toward your spouse!
The best way to tell your spouse how much you truly do love and care for them is by action and activities….not just words.
A closing note for you, Tarzan. Women love greeting cards of all types and kinds. I know, most men don’t even know what they are…that is O.K. Learn about them and send them often to your spouse in remembrance of special dates or events. Cards and flowers are always in vogue and make a much greater impact than does all of your bumbling words and forgotten “do you know what day this is?”…dates. Always keep the important things within your family…important and remembered!
Remember the words of Christ as recorded in the Bible, in the Book of
1 Corinthians, Chapter 13, verse 13, NKJV:
“And now abide faith, hope, and love, these three; but the
greatest of these is love.”
Peace and Love to All of You………….Poppa Bear